Saturday, March 01, 2008

Gargaras de absenta

En los últimos días he sorprendido a un par de desconocidos tomándome fotos con su celular. Supongo es la factura que la vida me cobra por mis malas acciones, las mismas que he publicado aquí periódicamente y que efectivamente, han incluido la mofa constante y reiterada de los inocentes que inadvertidos se cruzan por mi camino y el de mi celular.

Sólo espero esas fotos de mis carnes o de mi mirada perdida en la lontananza tengan el mismo propósito cultural y de enaltecimiento del espíritu que aquellas que yo capturo aquí, y no sean utilizadas en los cada día más populares ritos vudú por mensaje de texto o peor aún, como paño masturbatorio de alguien a quien le excitan las imágenes de deidades con mala definición. Definición en cuanto a pixeles, que la muscular, vaya que es buena.

Tengo que felicitar a mi amigo Luis por su Oscar con Pedro y el Lobo. Sugiero que lo envuelva en papel higiénico y lo pare sobre su excusado en lugar de la Barbie pirata de vestido tejido relleno de papel de baño que hace juego con el peluche de la tapa del water, epítome de la elegancia mexicana. A la estatuilla se le puede tejer un vestidito de su talla.

Eso voy a hacer con mi primer Oscar, para que las visitas le quiten el vestidito y jueguen a posar en el espejo cuando vayan a hacer pipí. Aprovecho para pedir una disculpa por mi ausencia en la ceremonia de este año. Aún yacen sobre mi cama los boletos para el evento y las invitaciones para las fiestas de Madonna y Elton. También los trajes que me enviaron Hugo, Armani, Prada y Donatella. Y unos tacones que mandó Gaultier que sigue sin entender que no es lo mío y que no me importa que nos hagan bonita pierna cuando nos ponemos falda escocesa.

No voy a conservar nada pero tampoco lo pienso devolver. Creo que lo llevaré al ejército de salvación, así que estén muy pendientes proximamente en el tianguis. La verdadera razón de mi ausencia fue la abusiva revisión y cateo que están haciendo de los aviones privados en el aeropuerto de Toluca. Pararon todos mis aviones ¿Con quién creen que tratan? Las únicas medicinas que cargo son unas vitaminas de Los Picapiedra y un ajenjo que sólo es legal en República Checa pero que yo uso para la tos y el pecho congestionado.

Los vuelos intercontinentales me resecan la garganta.

Y avísenme si ven mi foto en otro blog.

113 comments:

LaReina said...

Primera!!!

o_O

otra vez, entonces es la segunda vez que soy primera, ya me estoy asustando

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Guzky said...

Hola!
Seguro los que te tomaron fotos son paparazzis, y próximamente veré tu cara aparecer en prestigiosas revistas de sociales (chismes, mejor dicho) con el titular:
El amigo íntimo de las celebridades...
Jeje,
Ojalá pronto ganes un óscar, asi me invitas a tu casa al after-party, conozco artistas, actores y me tomo fotos contigo y la estatuilla.
Suerte con tus aviones, ojalá no sea nada... porque.. ¿no eres el doctor Simi o si?
Rezo porque no..
Saludos!

Anonymous said...

no se como le haces para hablar de todo y nada en cada post, tocas mil temas diferentes y al mismo tiempo no dices nada de tí. como descubrimos ahora tratando de adivinar tu edad

No se como lo haces pero me encanta

acomedido que es acomedida :( said...

Para toda la bola de pirujas arrastradas que le tiran el calzon a MI Gonzalo solo tengo una palabra para ustedes:


"zorras"


es solo mio, MIO ¿como ven wuilas?
y ahora mismo lo anunciare en blogs mexico!!

urs said...

Menudo lío en que se convirtió la sección de comentarios en tu post anterior, jaja. Sospecho que disfrutas el tenernos en vilo... en fin. Buen post, como siempre. Saludos.

katia said...

Aunque sea una zorra, me encanta como escribes.
Y ojalá pudiras cambiar esa foto medio verde de tu blog , por otra que te favorezca mejor.
Saludos y te estoy empezando a querer por tu encanto al escribir.
Y vuelvo a reiterar , ojalá un día pudieramos conocernos.
Un buen post aunque algo fantasioso.

Violet Veela said...

Bajo la nueva ley de medios puedes demandar a quien robe tu "propia imagen", como dicen en esos lares. Pero te deseo suerte en el proceso, porque cuando termine seguro que ni te pareces a las fotos que te tomaron.

Jerome said...

edad de Gonzalo:....lo recuerdo bien, yo desvirgue a Gonzalo por ahi del 94 y ya tenia peleas en la coliseo....ahi echenle cuentas

Sr. Ruga said...

¿Como se atreven a tomarte fotos? Han de ser de esos "bloguers". Si me preguntas, son unos nacos.

pinche San Andrés chingón said...

o_0 !!!!!!!!!!!!

eran fanes Gonzalo... TEME!!

K. said...

Jijijiji las barbies - pedestal para el rollo de papel. Finíiiisimo detalle que ya no recordaba o había bloqueado de mi memoria... sus largas faldas que cubrían el papel, que me imaginaba vendría siendo el fondo de la muñeca, cuando era un infante.

Con respecto a los menesteres kármicos y los ataques irrefrenables de paparazzis y fanssess por igual, sugiero usar lente obscuro hasta en el metro y contratar un par de guarros en el paradero de C.U.

¡Saludos!

acomedido que es acomedida;) said...

Creo que esa persona que deja mensajes con mi nombre no es graciosa y afea los posts de Gonzalo. Yo nunca diria cosas tan nacas

Sara Ache said...

He tenido una duda desde hace tiempo. Tiene usted un hoyo en pecho? No digo por falta de corazon, pregunto por que conozco a un chamaco de 15 anios que se parece mucho a usted. Ese pelo medio dificil y delgadez, y los labios de Angelina.

fantasma said...

Gonzalo era soldado por ahì del año III Chino y luego se enrolò en una batalla contra Tito capotito, ese duelo lo dejò medio atarantado, pero gracias a ese ajenjo que ahora menciona y unas cuantas palmaditas para levantar su autoestima decidiò emprender la conquista nuevamente, se ausentò durante algùn tiempo en casa de una negra y ahora decidiò salir a terminar sus planes... lo sè por que yo he sido desde entonces un rival invencible para èl.
SALUDOS

Clauminara said...

El ajenjo lo venden en el Centro Comercial Santa Fe, lo importan de la República Checa

Anonymous said...

estoy confundida!!


entonces soy una zorra??

pero si gonzalo me ama, muy en sus adentros me ama jejeje


gonzalo... verdad que si me amas?

shhh tu di qe si y ya ¬¬

vende toda esa ropa ue te mandaron jeje... es una buena lana!!!


me voy mil besos!!


byebye!!






cris

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Observando: la polémica que desato el ansia de conocer tu edad, el acoso que sufres por parte de los paparazzi, concluyo que eres ya victima de la fama, y a consecuencia de ello pronto te veremos como protagonista de algún infomercial recomendado alguna crema rejuvenecedora de la que juraras que gracias a ella te has mantenido joven, lozano y frondoso.
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Lorena said...

Hola, ya había leído tu post desde el día que lo publicaste, pero no me había decidido a escribir nada.

Decidí hacerlo para decirte ¡GRACIAS!
Estoy en mi trabajo el cual ya no soporto y cada día que vengo en vez de disfrutarlo salgo encabronada, estresada etc... y hoy fue uno de esos días maravillosos en los que además de que por un error me descontaron $500 de mi sueldo, como siempre el personal hizo pendajada y media y terminé como siempre, encabronada.
Tenía que escribir unas cosas en la compu, pero no estoy de humor, entonces me puse a leer tus post de años anteriores que no había leído, + específica: todos tus post de marzo 2007, y son tan buenos y graciosos que me pusiste de buenas y me alegraste el día. Yo también doy clases, la siguiente la tengo en 15 minutos y te agradezco que cambiaste mi ánimo para llegar bien. Saludos

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